Food Issues

I can not eat in front of people.

I am a pickey eater with possible celiac disease and a touch of anxiety disorder. Therin lies my problem.

The celiac disease, or whatever it is, gives me a bad reaction to some of the foods I eat. Then I get pickier about what I eat. Then, people feel the need to comment about what/how much/with what/how I'm eating, and I feel embarrassed. Then I choke up. Then I can't eat anything.

So then people see that I'm not eating at all (right that very moment) and think that means that I'm anorexic or something. I'm not, I'm just not able to force myself to eat around them. They are scarey to me. Would a gazelle with a lion chasing it stop for a quick nibble on a tree, even if it was the tastiest tree on the savannah?

I knew a guy once who ate his french fries in order of smallest to largest. No matter what. He diddn't care what or who was around, he just brushed it off. I think I could learn something from him.

I don't need anyone's approval to do what I need to do to survive.

No wonder that gazelle got killed by that lion, he didn't eat anything.

Not Done

I guess I wasn't done yet, I'm still thinking in journal form. So I guess I might as well type it in, that's what this stream-of-conciousness-journaling-thing is all about, anyway. It's supposed to Help.

I have been good for someone lately. My son. My husband. Myself. So what if other people fall by the wayside sometimes, right?

Just because I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, every once in awhile, doesn't mean that I should lay awake at night worrying that other people are laying awake worrying about what I said or did that was wrong. They're probably not right?

If you lie awake at night, worrying about something I said or did to/with/around you, please forgive me. If you lie awake at night worrying about something you said or did to/with/around me, please don't. I forgive you.

Messed Up

I need to get a life.

I find that I'm constantly getting upset that other people are upset. I'm in a great mood, walking along, enjoying my day, when suddenly someone's bad mood/sadness/grief/rejection/whatever rubs off on me.

I take personal responsability for "things" that aren't mine. I *will* make it all better, dammit.

Then, when the boo-boo has been kissed and the tears are dry, I'm left feeling residual effects. I've got negitivity-slime all over me.

That reminds me of an Oprah I once saw, where she said that someone had to learn to say, "That's too bad, how are you going to fix it?"

*shrug*

I spend so much time screaming "I don't care" when I just can't stop caring.

Lately, I haven't been any good for any one.

Happy Birthday to Meee!!!

So I'm another year older. 18 for the 10th time. Hehehe, it's not that bad. Stephen is taking me out to my favorite restauraunt, and his mom is going to stay here overnight and watch Tommy.

Friday night was fun. I think. I ended up on stage with the hypnotist again, so my memory is fuzzy. I had a wonderful time seeing all my friends, and we all got a little too "happy," but it was worth it. X-)

I went to Frenchies today with my Mom and Mom-in-Law, and got a pair of Ralph Lauren cords for 4 dollars. Woo hoo! I don't care is they're last years models, they make my butt look nice. Hahaha!

So, a very happy birthday it is. Good friends, good family, good times. This is the happiest I've ever been in my whole adult life.

Blogger: User Profile: Sheri Richard

I just noticed this:

Blogger: User Profile: Sheri Richard: "Astrological Sign: Aries"

That would be true, if I were born in the southern hemisphere.

Really, I'm a Pisces. Well, Pisces-Aries cusp, with Capricorn Ascendant.

But I could be wrong.

How very Aries of me.

formerlyROSIE

I finally found a way to tell Ro (Rosie O'Donnell) how much her book touched me, as a fellow "Swamp Person" who lost a parent (My Dad) at the age of 12. Thing is, is it's a blog like this one, and I can't work up the nerve to post a comment. I'm afraid that I'll be judged "daft" or "stupid" by the other posters. There's no specific post I want to comment on, you know?

If I had to pick one:

formerlyROSIE: "out it flows
on dead mommy day
quicker then a ray of light"

I found an answer to the problem. I met someone whose birthday is the same date, different year, as when my father died. I stayed friends with him, and try to go to his birthday party. One of these years, I'll probably be good company. :-) I suppose that's bitchy of me, to expose others to my grief. I suppose it's even worse that I don't really care if others are offended by it. Grief happens, get used to it.

Think of all the people being messed up by shrinks saying, "It's perfectly normal to feel that way, dear, but stop it."

Yep, I really care about RoO'd, because I can.

Birthday Wish 2005

Why can't people just be nice to each other? I'm not asking rich people to give away their money, or people who can cook to do it for free, or people who just lost their dog to smile, I just want people to stop going out of their way to piss off other people.

That's going to be my birthday wish.

We're going out to see a hypnotist in a bar on Friday night, and it should be fun. I went a couple of years ago, and got up on stage. Was it "For Real?" Well, let me tell you, I can't say the man's name anymore. If I do, I have to say it three times. That's why I'm not going to type it. It makes me a little crazy. Just it?

My birthday's on Sunday. :-)

Love that baby!

I'm so in love with my little man! I can't believe that this is normal. I never knew, at all, the depth of emotion. Commercial songs get me crying with joy.

Well I love you so dearly
I love you so fearlessly
Wake you up in the mornin' so early
Just to tell you I got the wanderin' blues
I got the wanderin' blues
And I don't wanna leave you
I love you through and through
The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs...

Love love love him. He really is the cutest little snuggle-bug.

Being a mom is wonderful.